When your life is filled with constant noise, panic, competition, issues, and fear…it is necessary to leave those ideas behind to find your actual self. It is that exact chaos that propels me daily, much of it coming from my own self doubt. I can speak candidly and openly about this, because I know many people are rowing that same boat to nowhere.
Life is (should be) a constant evolution. I am teaching myself to let go of fear and to not sweat the small stuff. It sometimes feels alien to take those baby steps towards self love, but I am determined.
I realize that many people look towards me as a beacon of strength and confidence, and I like it. I have been placed in a position of “role model” to so many people of different lifestyles, ages, orientations, all around the world, and I like it. It may come as a surprise to some that someone like me who owns this role in life, is plagued by fear and doubt. I am human, we are human, and from my experiences thus far, I know we will be OK.
I tell myself “Sutan, you will be fine…breathe, let the universe do her thang”, and when I repeat this mantra, she bestows the most amazing blessings.
I am writing this to you while on a holiday with friends in Northern Idaho, Lake Hayden to be exact. It is my third summer in a row visiting this tranquil and magical place. If I gave you the role call of friends here with me and my relationship to them, you would also understand what I mean by magic. Upon arrival, it was like I checked the bullshit in my head at the door. I needed the clarity and time to just do me. I have filled my time here with writing, painting, laughing, playing, day dreaming, self affirmations, exercising, brainstorming, sleeping, and not acknowledging my slave master of an iPhone. There is no phone service here (only WiFi) so I am not being burdened with texting and obsessing.
My first visit here was during my chaotic reign as “America’s Next Drag Superstar” a few years ago, and my great friend Traver Rains shot the native in the canoe photo shown above. It is my homage to the tradition of the “two spirit” which I relate to strongly. It was an impromptu moment of creative outburst that produced such an image, all against a perfect sunset.
I feel refreshed already, and I still have a few days left of bliss.
I will not feel guilty for this indulgence, because life should not be all about panic.
I encourage everyone( if only for one moment), to stop, refresh, and find yourself wherever you are at. You deserve it. Maybe turning your phone off for the day could help.
More thoughts later, there is an omelette getting cold next to me.
I love life, I love my friends, and I am blessed to have so many who love me.
Have a beautiful day,
Words spoken from a true superstar. I’ve never respected Raja as much as I do right now.